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Dear Kiki: Handy Holiday Party Tips

By askkiki360 in Gravy

Dear Kiki:

With the holidays approaching, and as a new employee, I find myself pretty anxious about my firm’s upcoming holiday party.  I want to use this social opportunity to show my boss what a great asset I am to the firm, but also that I’m fun to hang out with too.  Do you have any advice or tips how I can maximize this opportunity to make a great impression? 

 

I hate to tell you this, but if you have a problem stringing together a few sentences in order to talk to your boss at a party, perhaps it's time to become self-employed and work from home, no? But really, who wants to miss the annual holiday office party and the lovely things that come along with it, like witnessing  a bunch of overweight middle-aged women wearing Christmas sweaters while "breaking it down" and "backing it up" on the dance floor? That’s 12 months of ammunition right there.

Fortunately for you, office parties are a bit of a specialty of mine.Therefore, the best advice I can give is to recommend that you avoid doing what I have done at some of my office holiday parties:

1.  After meeting the boss' wife, you probably should not tell your boss that, next to Jay-Z, he is definitely the luckiest man alive. I do stand by my opinion that she was definitely out of his league.

2.  Have pizza delivered because you don’t care for the food being served.True story-but in my defense, who actually eats watermelon and blue cheese salad, foie gras, or steak tar tar? Umm, no one. It’s gross.

3.  If your boss asks you what you’re drinking, don’t say: “Nothing.I want to know where I wake up tomorrow.” Apparently it makes you sound morally compromised.

4.  Ask your boss to rate who the most/least attractive colleague is at the party on a scale of 1-10 (excluding yourself of course). I won’t lie; it’s a super fun game – but people are so sensitive if they find out where they fell in the rankings.

5.  Try not to mix up words. I wanted to impress my new boss with my superior knowledge regarding a real-estate transaction I was working on. Instead of telling her that I had knowledge of the general warranty deed, I told her I knowledge of the genital warranty deed.  Yes. I wanted to die.

6.  Know your boss’ name before going up to them. It’s pretty bad if you call them by the wrong one.   

So, hope this advice helps, and here’s to not being “that employee” at the party this year!

Yours,

Kiki

 



About

Deak Kiki has opinions....strong opinions people....and she will not be ignored. She has used her superior skillz of strategic thinking and manipulation to climb the corporate ladder, thus we protect her identity. Her column appears periodically in Broadsheet 360 and we refuse to be held responsible should you act on any of her advice.

One Response to “Dear Kiki: Handy Holiday Party Tips”

  1. Debbie Gardner Reply December 8, 2011

    Kiki sounds like a gem! A real sage, a little blonde, wordly….maybe a little spoiled but I thijnk we all have a lot to learn from her!
    My quewstion is this:  If you have a little case of shopaholicism, what is the best way to cut back without suffering withdrawal symptoms?

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